Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Behavioral disorders in children, medication or love and discipline?

At the beginning of my professional career, after I graduated college, I began working for a company part time and volunteering at another on the weekends and sometime throughout the week after work. At both organizations I worked with children with what they call behavioral disorders. One group was at the juvenile detention center and the other I worked as a B.S.T (basic skills trainer. While working with these children, I had noticed that quite a hand full of them had some form of a behavioral issue. Majority of the children in the juvenile detention center acted out this behavior because they had no other outlet. Some of the ladies used prostitution, drugs, fighting, alcohol, pills, etc., but not one f them used theirs talents, ambitions, their full potential towards ny of their actual goals.

While working as a B.S.T, the children were all over. They were not listening to what they were being told, disrespecting their parents, being destructive, refusing to do their chores and homework, etc. Once I sat down and took a moment to actually do an analysis on what was taking place, I developed my own theory, which may be the same as others. The first thing that individuals do when they feel something is wrong with themselves or a loved one is turn to a physician which then in return the physician administers medicine. Not every issue needs a diagnosis and not every diagnosis needs medication. When my son was younger he was extremely hyper.

His teachers would send letters home stating that he was frigidity, that his attention span was very short, he was bothering the other children, he would destroy property, and so on. They suggested that I seek medical attention for him. With careful consideration and respect I did just that. From the physician and his prescription when went to the psychiatrist and his prescriptions. They both had their own diagnosis, hence the two different medications. The meds had my son zombie like, he would sit and stare, move slow, would  not eat, and loose weight. He was only 7 so I took him off. And instead gave him my time and attention, realized that he was only a child, a little boy. I talked with him more, made his interest mine, spoke with him about his day, read to him, and built a strong positive relationship with him. His behavior began to change.The conclusion to children with behavior disorders is simply this: when a child acts out do not turn a blind eye and ignore it. Children cry out for attention, love, and acceptance the best way they know how this does not mean they have ADD or ADHD or have a behavioral problem. This means that as parents we have to pin point those cries. It is our responsibility to discipline, to be firm but yet understanding. To protect and guide. To educate. The moment we do not do these things along with some others our children will see, and that is when they create their own judgments and opinions of us as parents. Begin to formulate their own life styles. Their characters become someone else's. They assume different roles and positions, forget that they are children and not adults. All the while you have some parents who put those children in adult positions and when they become uncontrollable parents turn to those physicians who then diagnosis them as having behavioral disorders and meds come into play. We as parents should stand UP and become better role models for them.... they do need us regardless.....      

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Bullying/Cyber bullying

Bullying does not discriminate and can affect anyone of any age, race, sexual orientation, etc. Individuals who are bullied continue to carry that agony and that trauma from the era to which they are being bullied into their adult hood. It is a torment that will stick to your soul, dictate the person that you can become, affect the way you interact with others, and so on. It is something that can completely destroy ones possible potential. Just the other day a young lady of the age of 14 years old, killed herself, they found her hanging. Her mother says it was because she was being bullied by children at school. But as the story unfolds, was that the only place where she was being bullied? Sources also arise to say that it was reported to authorities that this child was being emotionally abused (bullied) by her own mother (her protector, her provider) and the case was still pending up until her death. Bullying is becoming a major issue that is now venturing outside of schools but into homes, the work place, social media, verbal bullying etc. It is getting very serious to the point where suicide and bullying has a very strong link. Unfortunately some adults and school officials will turn a blind eye to bullying and will identify it as simple children being children. Not knowing the magnitude of this behavior. There are various types of bullying to be aware of: physical bullying, emotional bullying, cyber bullying, sexting, and even circulating photos/nude photos of a child/person that they may have shared with someone that they trusted. Children endure more throughout a normal school day than we as adults my have endured in a week or even longer. Sometimes it is not as easy to speak to an adult about whats going on in fear that they may not understand or they may brush it off, so they tend to deal with it in the best way that they feel they know how, which never ends in a positive way. Bullying does not always end in the victim committing suicide, sometimes it ends in the victim committing a heinous crime against those who are bullying them. Either way it is never a positive ending.The best way to control this issue is for parents to start at home. Teach your children how to speak up when something is going on that they are not comfortable with, speak with your children ask them questions show them that you have an interest in whats going on in their life, get them to talk to you. Let them know that it is ok to speak up about things that are bothering them. Take an interest in theirs, let them know that you do care. For adults, take your place and stand your grounds. Just because it is your boss does not give them the right to treat you as though you are less than. Make them take sight of your potential, your hard work, your dedication to the company. Defend yourself against unfair treatment, it is your right..... Take the negative situation and make it work positively for yourself.....

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Domestic Violence


I must take a moment to recognize this month for its significance for many including myself. This month symbolizes Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This is an issue that has been around for ages and yet and still is ignored by many but continues to claim so many life's both young and old. Domestic violence is not just physical nor does it take place among male and female partners but also among same sex relationships, the elderly, children, family members, friends, and so on.It also consist of mental abuse, verbal abuse, financial abuse, technical abuse. After volunteering with a local organization in my community and working with the female youth in the lower privilege communities I began to understand that this issue is beginning to claim the life's of our youth in such a way that it is barely recognizable by them in such a way that they are not capable of seeking help from their parents, guardians, or anyone form of authority. It is also the number one leading killer in the US, sometimes its deadly and silent.

The reason being, in my opinion, of this youth epidemic is the simple explanation that the youth who will find themselves in such a position whether they are the victim or the abuser is because one of the two or maybe even both have come from a home with this exact behavior. And as children, if the young boy sees his father hitting his mother, more than likely he too will become an abuser, and the same goes for a young girl being raised in a home with such behavior. If she constantly witnesses her mother being abused by her father or boyfriend, she too will begin to believe that the way of life is submitting to her partner and becoming the victim. This is what I label as the revolving door of domestic violence.

It is time that everyone takes a vow to be a shoulder to lean on and an ear too listen when someone that they know and love is reaching out for help. The call for help will not be one of the obvious but it will be there. Remember to never judge one who is in a situation such as this, it may be easy for someone to say why don't you just leave or why not just fight back? Or one of the most judgmental comments that I have personally heard, well if it was me I would do this or I would do that. My dear friend it is not that easy believe me. And lastly, always remember that the most dangerous time for a victim is when they are attempting to leave.

I could go on and on with this topic. There is so much information to be shared and discussed, but once the knowledge is out it is phenomenal, a force to be reckoned with. Everyone can be a soldier for the next who can not be a soldier for themselves. Let's all gather and help those in need become victors and no longer victims!!!!!!!!

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Our youth in the African American Community

Just the other day I heard one of our youth, young African american male, who stated that the current generation is "fucked up". So I sat back and thought about that for a moment. Some of the questions that I had asked myself was, why is that? Do I agree? Who is it affecting? And how can we as a community change that if it is possible? The answers to all those questions began to become clearer merely because of the classes I had took when obtaining my B.A in Criminal Justice. Do I agree with this young mans statement? To a certain point I do. This is because I have teenage children myself and some of the stories and conversations that I have with them and there friends or even the ones I over hear them having begins me to question who is educating them and instilling these aspects of life within them. There are any contributing factors to why our generation is in the state that it is, mostly because of peer influences, lack of adult supervision, the availability of drugs, alcohol. and illegal weapons, all of which can only be provided by another adult most of the time. Dropping out of high school, having sex, spreading STD's, killing one another. All things that our youth should be taught about not be exposed to.

Little girls are wearing things that are too revealing, sex-ting and being exposed over the internet for everyone to see, little boys are having sex with whom ever where ever, leaving trails of babies and diseases, etc. And by this time most parents have no idea of what is taking place because the situations are too far gone and they are now too afraid of telling their guardians so they hold it in. It is time for parents to step up and take our places as parents, not as our child's friend, or weed smoking buddy, or drinking buddy, or having the mentality that as long as they are doing it in your home with you that it is ok because it is not ok. The lack of supervision is a major contributing factor but most have yet to see it because parents themselves are to wrapped up in twerking, clubbing, having multiply sleeping partners. doing drugs and alcohol, not caring if their child finishes school and have plans to continue on to college or not, etc.

We can not be on the same level as our children, we have to be on one that is higher, if not they will begin to loose respect towards their parents or anyone one of authority. Which is what I believe is taking place now. Among the obvious that I have briefly touched on, this topic is so huge there is so much more that can be discussed...... but for now let this small bit marinate and let's figure out where we went wrong and how we can help out one another....

Monday, September 1, 2014

Single parenting....

Some households these days are ran by single parents. On a negative side there is a certain percentage of individuals who truly believe that a child who is a product of a single parent household are those children who have behavioral issues, join gangs, drop out of school, sell drugs, become teenage parents, and so on. But I believe that the question to be asked is, what is now to be considered the norm in society? A single parent household, or a two parent household? 

HHmmmm, good question right? Or what about which household is more stable to raise a child? They are actually two in the same. In reality, children who are born in a stable single parent home does just as well as those in a married household when it comes down to academic ability and behavioral problems. We have come to a point in time where it no longer matters too which household a child is raised in, it is no longer a factor in distinguishing the individuals family structure and stability. 

A two parent household can bring along just as much stress, pain, and misery to a child and their development as one being brought up with one parent. I myself was raised in a single parent home along with my brothers and despite the odds that may have been stacked up against us we never became apart of any statistics. My inner circle of family and friends consist of single mothers, independent women raising children alone. Women of many different ethnic backgrounds, women who made the decision not to give up but to fight back in hopes for a different outlook that society would have on them, women with degrees and careers, who have alone put their children through college, or who have encouraged their child to do great things.

True single parenting can get discouraging at times, and you may feel as though you want to give up, but hang in there and know that you are not in that struggle alone. Take comfort in the fact that whether it is a single parent or a married couple raising children ALL struggles are the same and each child in each situation can turn out one in the same or even different despite their home circumstances. People will have their opinions, but the important thing is that their opinion is just theirs and does not matter. Stay strong and continue to do just what you are doing, with faith, courage, and prayer all will continue to work in your favor. <3   

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The beginning......

As I sit here and blog this morning I recap on some conversations that I have had with a few young women over the past few days, some being African American and others Hispanic,/ and funny enough they are all intertwined. Before I began blogging, one conversation I had this morning was regarding depression within the ethnic community. I was asked if it was ignored more within these communities than the white communities, and sadly enough, I believe that it is. Depression, like many other illnesses do not discriminate regardless of age. It equally attacks African Americans, Caucasians, Hispanics, Asians, etc. But what makes it a more serious matter in one community verses the other? The lack of compassion, the choice not to understand, being judgmental, blaming it on ones way of living within these communities? All of which should have no standing when someone is reaching out for help no matter their skin color. We need to be there for one another, whether its a ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on, or just merely letting each other know that you are not alone. The youth, it is becoming more normal within the younger generations as well. It does not seem like much but it is truly a beginning....

Please share your thoughts openly or anonymously...